Lunch Lady Land
Ok, you know how in my about page I tell you my life is like a movie? I always hear, “only you would get yourself in that situation.” Well, put another tally mark on the ol’ excel spreadsheet I know you all are keeping track on!
It’s a beautiful Saturday morning and we’re off to sign Lil’ bear up for Pee-Wee baseball (aka T-ball) and I see a big yellow banner. It says, “Child Nutritionist.” Ok….I went to school for a health related degree. I took a few nutrition classes. I have a child. I took down the number and called on Monday.
I passed the “personality test” (phew!!…that was kinda nerve wracking…my personality isn’t my best trait!!!) On to the next step. I go in for an interview and she says, “You know this is for a “child nutrition professional” position, or what used to be called, “lunch lady.”…………………………………………………(que the sound of dripping water from a faucet)……………………………………………………………..(pick my right hand up from its lady like position on my lap and slowly push my lower jaw back up to meet the top jaw)………………………………..
I say, “oh, pssshhht, ya, of course, that’s cool.”…………………..Um what? Why did I say that? What would the alternative have been? “Oh really? Well that sucks, peace out girl scout!?” I don’t think so! I think what went through my mind during the time that the faucet was running and my jaw was hanging was, “ok, I haven’t worked in 5 years; I could put down “child nutritionist” on my resume and look super cool; it’s a no brainer job; I’d be busy and not bored; I’d get to see all the cute lil kids eating their sloppy joes.”
Let’s be honest. We all know I’m not the brightest crayon in the box…there is NO way I thought of ALL those things in that short amount of time, (but I think I sort of did!) It sounded fun. It sounded like a great way to close the gap on my non working status. I thought I could make some extra casholi for the fam and feel more independent. I didn’t really care so much about the adult interaction as one would think. I like my adult convo’s to take place online or through text…or at a pub. I can talk better when the lights are dimmed:)
So I show up in my lunch lady shirt, pants, approved non-slip sneakers, hair net and name tag. It was a great first day. I stayed busy. I helped kids. I scooped Sloppy Joes and tater tots. Nope. I’m not even kidding. I actually served Sloppy Joes on my first day of lunch lady duty! I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Big bear! “I know you kids like ’em extra shloppy!” We had joked about this quote from Billy Madison many a times! I actually broke a sweat mopping the floor. It’s not all fun and games people! I had to wash out a vat of sticky, hardened on, smelly broccoli and cheese soup. I wiped bean burritos off the floor. I actually wanted to try one of the tater tots! I loved those when I was a kid.
At the end of the first day I went to pick up my son, Lil’ bear. It was so exciting. I couldn’t wait to hug him! He was asleep on his lil blue nap mat, drooling like said faucet from my interview. It felt great to hold him. He had to stay after school for a couple of hours, which he normally doesn’t do.
Well folks, let’s just say I wasn’t bringing home the bacon I thought I would. Between the cost of after-care for Lil’ bear and what I was getting paid, it was a break even kind of situation. As much as I loved seeing if I could beat my time on putting on those latex gloves, I had to bid my dream of being a workin’ girl goodbye.
After 3 days of serving Shloppy Joes, bean burritos, fruit cocktail and milk cartons, I hung up my hair net and returned my super suction cup sneakers, name tag and shirts. I will always remember my fellow lunch ladies. Some of them have worked there 30 years! They are hard workers, were very accepting and helpful and I have so much respect for what they do day after day. Those ladies are tough, smart, and know how to make the students and teachers happy, happy, happy!
* I’ll let y’all in on a lil secret. I think that part of the reason I was accepted so readily was that I purposely went in there looking a “hot mess.” I know girls are catty and never like a blonde, let alone a beauty like myself, so I put my hair in a messy, no makeup, no chapstick and left a stain on my yoga pants. If I was to waltz in there looking all Marilyn Monroe, I’m sure they would have stuck me on dish duty all day long and then sent me in the back to sort through the tater tots. *
So there you have it. I have a Master’s Degree and the first job I take after a 5 year hiatus is as a
child nutrition professional lunch lady. The things I get myself into…Chalk up another Adventure to Goldilox’s life!
This was me: (click the pic)